Day 18...............7-31-11

Day 18

Good evening everyone. So, it's been some time now since I have blogged, but here I am! I am happy to say that even though I have not had a chance to blog for a bit, I have not lost site of my journey....in fact, I'm so completely proud of myself! This past week has been  little crazy!

It was my first week of school which went fairly well. I was a little stressed out about the amount of work I need to do, but I took a deep breath and instead of turning to food, I made a plan! I created a color coded chart of how to spend my time and how much time I have to complete school work and still have time with Emily. A few months ago I never would have been able to do that. I would have sat on my couch upset and have ate a half gallon of ice cream.

Tuesday was another rough night. As most of you know we had a very bad storm in Ludlow. I thank God no one was hurt and my family is safe. I took all the necessary precautions and made it through. I was extremely scared for my daughter because she was at a campground in Monson. They evacuated the campground and had everyone in the cellar of an old farmhouse. Once I talked to her and knew she was OK, I felt better! I was late for my first night of class, but no one was marked late because of the weather.

Wednesday and Thursday were pretty good. The nights I went to school I packed a dinner and snack for myself so I wouldn't be tempted to get anything from the vending machine.

Saturday night I hung out with Kristen and Andre. They had been away for a week at the beach and I had missed them! :) I went to their house and finished watching a Lifetime movie with them and then went to the bar with them. I can say that I did not drink at all! I have not even had the temptation to drink. The feeling of satisfaction to a commitment I made is a greater feeling then drinking too much and feeling silly. I can still have a good time without drinking.

So, I'm starting to notice that my weightloss is slowing down now that my body has adjusted to my new lifestyle change, but I'm accepting of that now that after doing some research know that a healthy weightloss is 1-2 lbs per week. It officially weigh in on Wednesday, but have gotten on the scale. I'm not going to reveal my weight, but I will say that I accomplished my goal of not being 220-something anymore!!!! I'm in the teens! My next goal is to get below 200!

As far as my week emotionally, it hasn't been too bad. I've felt like I could cry on the drop of a dime a few times, but not because I was sad. I guess more because I can't believe my accomplishments. Even though it makes me feel so good to hear people say that I look great, it's still not an easy thing for me to hear. I have these feelings an emotions that I can't quite understand sometimes. That's the one thing I want to try to work in the next few weeks. Figuring out what emotions I'm having at any given time and try to understand why I'm feeling the way I am. Once I get through that my nest challenge will be to figure out how to process those emotions.

When I was hanging out with Kristen and Andre Sat night they told me Kristens mom had some pics from out graduation in 2009 and they were saying how different I looked. I didn't believe them or think that I could look THAT different.....when I got home I looked through my files on my computer and found the graduation pictures. WOW!!! I do look different. My face isn't as.....round! I made a side-by-side comparison which is below....check it out!

Weight UPDATE

WEEKLY WEIGHT LOSS
222.6 - 220.0 = 2.6 lbs

Total Weight Loss
227.2 - 220.0 = 7.2 lbs

Measurements
DAY 1                              TODAY
waist - 48 in                   waist - 46.5 in
hips - 52 in                     hips - 50 in
chest - 49.5 in                chest - 47.5 in
thigh - 26 in                   thigh - 25.5 in
L arm - 15.5 in               L arm - 15.25 in

Day 12...............7-25-11

Day 12


HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY!


Today couldn't have been any better! It was a great day! It was my daughter's birthday so I made her some breakfast this morning. Of course she wanted to know why I was giving her a "healthy" breakfast, which consisted of scrambled egg whites and turkey bacon. I told her to just try it...she loved it!


After breaskfast we went shopping at the mall. She was so excited. Seeing her like that just makes me so happy and it's moments like that that make me so happy to be a mom, her mom! She had some gift cards and money that she used. She was most excited about her "Build-a-Bear" or Build-a-Bunny, that she made.


I told her I would treat her to lunch at the mall, so I knew I had to think about the choices I had. Thankfully she loves subway! I was very happy with my choices and my sub was delicious! I had a 6" oven roasted chicken breast on a wheat roll. I had NO mayo and NO cheese. I decided to have a tad-bit of fat free honey mustard, which was a great choice! I also had lettuce, tomato, and pickles....YUMMY!


Tonight was my first night of school and it went pretty well. I knew dinner was going to be served there. Not knowing what my choices would be, I decided to pack a few snacks to hold me over in case. I ended up having some salad with fat free italian dressing and small amount of pork. I ate a yogurt that I brought with me as well.


I ended up getting out of the orientation early then expected, so I decided to get dressed and head to the gym where I spent an hour and a half of my time. I then came home and made myself a strawberry smoothie with strawberries, a little strawberry greek yogurt, and some ice.....delicious!


All in all I feel like I had a great day and wish that I could feel this great everyday, but I know that all good things must come to an end...hehe! I have already planned to get up tomorrow morning and go to the gym with my friend Deb since she wasn't free tonight. I can't wait :)

Day 11...............7-24-11

Day 11

I haven't blogged in a few days, but am still doing well with my weightloss! Friday I was running around getting things ready for Emily's birthday party. Saturday I was up early to get some last minute things for the birthday party, and then Emily and I were off to camp to celebrate. The party was very successful, and I was proud of myself! Although I know I didn't eat as much as I should have Saturday, I did NOT eat any junk food, cake, or ice cream! It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be. I was so busy making sure everyone had what they needed and made sure my daughter was all set that I really didn't have too much free time to think about it. I also chose to eat a turkey burger with a wheat flat rather then a hamburger with a roll.

Today, I was in rough shape. My back was really bothering me because I did a little too much yesterday and am paying for it now! I did some cleaning today and made myself a good breakfast. Again today I didn't eat as much as I should have and that is going to be my goal for the week. It's going to be hard because I'm starting school Monday and will have to figure out a routine to make sure I get in the food that I need. I will let you know how it goes....

I won't be blogging my food consumption anymore unless I have questions or concerns about it. I do write it down daily though.

Day 8...............7-21-11

Day 8
This morning was pretty good. I went to breakfast with my friend Kristen. I made good food choices and felt like I didn't over-eat which I was very happy about.


Once I got home I was just a complete miserable blob! I didn't feel like doing anything! All I wanted to do was sit on the couch, which I pretty much did! I feel like this is already getting old. I don't know what to do. Part of my problem is that I have all these different types of emotions and I don't know what they are or why I have them. It's completely frustrating! I haven't resorted to food, but feel like I'm fighting with the devil. This whole thing just makes me completely angry with myself. I'm just miserable! I feel like I had lead people on to believe that I am a strong person, but I'm really not. I have just become very good at hiding my feelings. I've pretty much done it all my life. I can be strong for everyone else, but when it comes to myself I just breakdown.

My Food Consumption - 1700 Calories
Breakfast
*1 1/2 egg beaters    120 Cal
*mushrooms, peppers, onions, tomatoes    60 Cal
*Cheese    100 Cal
*2 bacon slices    140 Cal
Snack
*1 peach 40 Cal
*1 cup canteloupe    60 Cal
*1/4 cup almonds    170 Cal
Dinner
*5 oz pork    293 Cal
*1 cup broccoli    54 Cal
*salad    20 Cal
*2 tbsp bacon dressing    110 Cal
Snack
*Special K bar    90 Cal
*5 tbsp. cool whip & cone    75 Cal
*20 Chip-ins    120 Cal
*1 plum    30 Cal                           
TOTAL:               1,482

Weight UPDATE

WEEKLY WEIGHT LOSS

227.2 - 222.6 =  4.6

*From now on I will be posting my weight once a week - on Wednesday's. I will take measurements next Wednesday and post them.

Day 7...............7-20-11

Day 7

WEIGH-IN: 222.6

Today was a pretty busy day! Emily and I started off our morning cleaning her playroom. Then my nephew arrived followed by Emily friend Nicole. We left my house around 11:30 and set off to Sunsetview Campground. When we got there we ate lunch. I packed my lunch because I wasn't sure what my mom had for food choices.

After lunch I took the kids swimming for a while. They had a great time while I soaked up some sun! I wasn't in the mood to swim, but I did sit by the pool and soak my feet.

We left around 3:30 and I dropped Emily off at Nicole's house, so they could play some more and I got a chance to hit the gym for about an hour and a half. I had some time left before picking up Emily, so I cleaned and vacuumed my car.

Tonight has seemed to be another tough night for me. I'm tired once again and didn't really feel like making myself anything for dinner. I resorted to cottage cheese and tomatoes. I picked at a few other things after that too.....I keep having the feeling that I want to just pick at things. I am restraining myself from going near the kitchen again.

I'm hoping that I will get a better night sleep tonight. I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night. My body was extremely tired, yet my mind was racing! Tomorrow will be the end of the first week of my "lifestyle change" I'm very happy with how successful I've been....

Exercise Routine
*Treadmill 30 mins 1.65 miles
*Abdominal crunches x 200 various
*low row x 30 @ 70 lbs
*also used a few different arm machines but
 didn't track it. I did 3 reps each
My Food Consumption - 1700 Calories
Breakfast
*Special K bar    90 Cal
*3/4 cup cereal    120 Cal
*1/2 cup milk    45 Cal
Lunch
*Salad    30 Cal
*2 tbsp bacon dressing    110 Cal
*1/2 cup chicken    90 Cal
*20 Chip-ins    120 Cal
*1 cheese triangle    30 Cal
Snack
*1 peach    40 Cal
*4 strawberries    12 Cal
*Special K bar    90 Cal
*16 oz gatorade    100 Cal
Dinner
*1 cup cottage cheese    80 Cal
*1/2 tomato    7 Cal
*20 Chip-ins    120 Cal
*1 cup broccoli    54 Cal
*2 tbsp bacon dressing    110 Cal
*1 cup canteloupe    60 Cal
Snack
*16 oz Gatorade    100 Cal
*1 cone    15 Cal
*6 tbsp lite cool whip    60 Cal
TOTAL:        1,483

Day 6...............7-19-11

Day 6

WEIGH-IN: 223.2

When I weighed in this morning, I was disapointed....somehow I gained .6 lbs. I wanted to give up, but I didn't! At that moment I felt like why work as hard as I have to gain weight? I was very frustrated, but then I became rational and realized it's only .6!!!!! We will see what tomorrows weigh-in will bring....

Emily and I went hiking today. I was so proud of the both of us! Never in a million years did I think I could climb to the top of the mountain. There were definately some parts of the hike that were more of a struggle than others, but all in all we did great! According to the map we were about 900 feet from the bottom. The sense of accomplishment I felt was great--and although my back would not allow me to do that on a daily basis--I can't wait to do it again some time soon! I told Emily we can try a different trail next time :)

After we got home we both showered and took a nap. I set my alarm for 5:30, but struggled to get out of bed. I'm not sure if my body is still tired or if I'm dealing with some depression right now. Sometimes it comes and goes and I'm never sure why. I'm going to do my best to fight through it. Emily and I will be going to Walmart shortly to pick out some things for her birthday party on Saturday. I also have to find a way to get her to try a few different bikes out. She doesn't know it, but I am getting her a bike for her birthday! I have decided to buy cupcakes for her birthday because making them would just be too hard for me at this point in my journey. I'd probably eat half the batter.

After we get home from Walmart Emily and I will just be relaxing. We may play a little Wii - Just Dance - depending how my body is treating me. If anything changes or I come upon a challenging moment I will blog it, if not hope you had a great day!

Tonight is the first night that I am struggling. I want to go to the kitchen and pig out. If I so much as go near the kitchen right now it may happen. I am trying to avoid it at all costs because I know the outcome will not do me any good. It may make me feel better at this very moment, but tomorrow I will be so mad at myself and want to give up. I feel like it would be so much easier to give up. Tonight I feel like I want to quit this battle. It's bigger than me - I need help because I can't do it myself. I hate the person I've become.......how can anyone like me when I can't even like myself??? HELP!


My Food Consumption - 1500 Calories
Breakfast
*1 cup egg whites    66 Cal
*3 tbsp red pepper & onion    30 Cal
*1/2 tomato    22 Cal
Snack
*1/4 almonds    170 Cal
Lunch
*strawberry yogurt 140 Cal
*1 peach    40 Cal
*15 chip-ins    100 Cal
*Special K bar    90 Cal
Snack
*4 strawberries    12 Cal
*1/2 tomato    22 Cal
*1 cup canteloupe    60 Cal
Dinner
*1 whole wheat tortilla 71 Cal
*1/4 cup mozz cheese 80 Cal
*1 oz chicken 30 Cal
*1/4 cup onions 23 Cal
*1/4 cup red pepper 23 Cal
*1/8 cup mushrooms    6 Cal
*Special K bar    90 Cal
Snack
*16 oz Gatorade    40 Cal
*1/4 cup almonds 170 Cal
*1 cone 15 Cal
*5 tbsp lite cool whip 50 Cal
*4 strawberries 18 Cal
TOTAL: 1,368  

Day 5...............7-18-11

Day 5

WEIGH-IN: 222.6

Today was a pretty good day. I didn't really do too much today. I picked up the house a little in the morning and then ran a few arrends around 3:00. My dad came over for lunch - I made him and Emily a salami sandwich with chips and I had a grilled chicken salad.

Emily and I went for a 2.5 mile walk. We were both very tired when we got home. I'm struggling to deal with my back pain as it is getting worse. In the back of my mind I know that I need to just relax for a few days, but at the same time I feel like I won't make the progress that I would like. I can't wait to have insurance again so I can finally go to the specialist! I'm sure they will be able to help me out...well I hope so anyways!

I'm still struggling to eat all my calories. I planned on eating 1,600 calories today, but as of right now I have only eatin about 900 calories. I'm going to eat some almonds which are 170 calories and maybe have another cool-whip cone which is 80 calories. That will put me at a total of about 1,120.

I gotta get rid of that double chin!!! eeww!!!

My Food Consumption - 1700 Calories
Breakfast
*Special K bar    90 Cal
*8 oz Gatorade    20 Cal
Lunch
*salad    20 Cal
*1/2 cup chicken    90 Cal
*1 tbsp bacon dressing    55 Cal
*peach yogurt    140 Cal
Snack
*8 oz Gatorade    20 Cal
*1 peach    38 Cal
Dinner
*1 whole wheat tortilla    71 Cal
*1/4 cup mozz cheese 80 Cal
*1 oz chicken    30 Cal
*1/4 cup onions    23 Cal
*1/4 cup red pepper    23 Cal
*1/4 cup mushrooms    11 Cal
*1 cup summer squash    36 Cal
*1 cheese triangle    30 Cal
*20 ChipIns    120 Cal
Snack
*1/4 cup almonds    170 Cal
*1 cup watermelon    46 Cal
*1 cone    15 Cal
*5 tbsp lite cool whip    50 Cal
*4 strawberries    18 Cal            
     TOTAL:           1,196  

Day 4...............7-17-11

Day 4

WEIGH-IN: 222.8

AM
Good Morning Everyone!

Having a weight loss of 4.4 pounds in 4 days feels good! Although I'm sure a lot of it was water, but it's still gone! I hope to never, EVER see those numbers again. There is no turning back....I can't wait for the day to come when I no longer have to say I weigh 2-something...

This morning has been a little rough for me as far as pain goes. I've been trying to ignore my back, but apparently you can't ignore osteoarthritis! I feel like my back is going to be a huge road block as far as exercising. I've decided to take a break from the gym today. I'm ok with that because I know I will get some exercise when I go for a walk at the Ashley Resevoir today with my sister and her family. I will put some heat on my back tonight and maybe a hot bath and hope that it will help ease the pain a little.

I started my day a little late today because I didn't get up until 11:00. I didn't get home and go to sleep until about 3:00. A friend of mine had some car issues, so I stayed with her until it was all taken care of. I just finished breakfast (scrambled egg whites with red pepper and onion) and am ready to shower and get ready for the day :)

PM

Ashley Resevoir was beautiful! We walked about 3.5 miles which took us all the way around and back to where we started. I felt great and kept a steady pace for the most part.

After going to the Resevoir I went to Costco with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew. It wasn't too challenging there. I got a few things I needed and found some chips there that we were able to sample. They are all natural, whole grain popcorn chips with only 120 Calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of fiber and 2 grams of protein - a serving is 20 chips. So, I was super excited about that...I actually bought 2 bags because they aren't sold in many stores around here yet.
Then.......I went to PriceRite with my sister....that on the other hand was a bit more challenging! I went down the aisle with chips and cookies and was like ohhhh heaven!!! I'm glad I was with my sister though, because if I had so much as even thought about putting something in my cart she would have stopped me. I feel like I may have had less self control if my sister wasn't there. I told my sister that normally I would have had atleast 10 things from the aisle in my cart.

Today was a busy day, but now that I am home and finally able to sit and relax....I have some emotions and feelings I'm trying to deal with and am not sure how. I was recently dating someone, nothing too serious, but was still something. Well, all of a sudden I stopped hearing from him and he refuses to answer any of my calls or even respond to my text messages. I just feel like I deserve an explanation. I didn't do anything wrong - makes me realize why it is so much easier to stay single. I think my reason for being hurt, angry and sad are because I don't know why things were so sudden or why I'm being ignored. I'm just not sure how to deal with it.....my emotions anyways. I've been keeping myself busy and not resorting to eating to ease the pain. I don't feel a huge urge to eat, which is a good thing! I believe I'm strong enough to make it through...it's just how I do it!

My Food Consumption - 1700 Calories
Breakfast
*1 cup egg whites    66 Cal
*1 turkey sausage link    60 Cal
*3 tbsp onion and red pepper    30 Cal
Snack
*1 banana    105 Cal
Lunch
*Caesar salad    220 Cal
*10 strawberries    30 Cal
*1 cup celery    20 Cal
*1 tbsp peanut butter    95 Cal
*1 plum 30 Cal
Snack
*1/8 cup almonds    85 Cal
*1 cup watermelon    50 Cal
Dinner
*1 whole wheat tortilla    71 Cal
*2 tbsp salsa    10 Cal
*2 tbsp peppers and onions 20 Cal
*1/4 cup mozz cheese    80 Cal
*1/8 cup chicken    45 Cal
Snack
*20 chipins    120 Cal
*1 cone    15 Cal
*5 tbsp lite cool whip    50 Cal
*4 strawberries    12 Cal               
TOTAL: 1,214  

Open-faced quesadilla - 225 calories and oohh soo good!!

Cool Whip and Strawberries Cone - 80 Cal....amazingly good!!!

Day 3...............7-16-11

Day 3

WEIGH-IN: 223.6

AM
Good Morning....well Afternoon actually :)

Yesterday I had changed my caloric intake to 1,800 calories, but I found that it seemed to be too much for me. I had to make myself eat just to consume the calories I needed, therefore I'm going to try a 1,700 caloric intake.....trial and error I guess you can say!!!

My alarm went off at 8:00 this morning and at first I was not willing to get out of bed! The sound was driving me bonkers! I can't reach my alarm clock from my bed, so I had to get up. Once I was up I began to get more motivated. I didn't have as much time to plan for breakfast as I would have liked, but I grabbed a yogurt and banana for the car ride to pick up Emily. After dropping her off to her dad I went to the gym for a shorter workout. My body, my back especially, is pretty sore. I'm going to be heading to the campground for the day and will plan and pack my food before I go. I plan to go for a walk with my family and go swimming with my nephew. Maybe we will even et in a little basketball :)

Tonight will be another challenging time for me! Some friends and I are going out to a bar/dance club. Right now my train of thought is....oohhh dancing = exercise!!! I totally love making a fool of myself and friends, so that part will be easy! The hard part will be the fact that I will probably be the ONLY person there drinking bottled...water! It's OK though! I know that it will all be worth it in the end! If I feel like at any point I can't handle it I will say goodnight to my friends and head home to bed :) They will all completely understand! OK I will keep you posted....

PM

I had a great time again last night with a few friends! I stuck to my promise once again and did not drink....infact I think I was the only one at the bar who drank 3 bottles of water in an hour LOL. I don't regret it though. What am I missing out on? A hangover? I can be just as happy and enjoy myself without alcohol and I proved that the last two nights. My friends and I went to Fat Cats in Springfield and relaxed outside most of the time. I'm looking forward to doing it again sometime soon :)

My Workout - in order of completion:
*elliptical x 10 mins @ 1.5 miles
*abdominal crunches (various) x 200
*Adjustable pulley varied movements x 30 @ 10 lbs
*Low Row x 40 @ 55 lbs
*Cross/Long bar x30 @55 lbs
*Rope/upper back of arms x 30 @ 20 lbs
*Went swimming with my nephew
*Played basketball
*went dancing

My Food Consumption - 1700 Calories
Breakfast
*Yogurt    180 Cal
*Banana    105 Cal
Snack
*1 apple    90 cal
Lunch
*3 cups romaine lettuce 15 Cal
*2 tbsp red pepper 6 Cal
*1/4 cup celery 5 Cal
*1/2 cup grilled chicken 90 Cal
*2 tbsp. bacon dressing 110 Cal
*1 cheese stick    50 Cal
*1 plum    30 Cal
Snack
*1 cup broccoli    30 Cal
Dinner
*1 turkey patty 270 Cal
*1 tbsp Ketchup 10 Cal
*1/2 cup cottage cheese 90 Cal
*Side salad 10 Cal
*1 tbsp honey mustard 55 Cal
*1 deli flat - wheat 100 Cal
*1 cup summer squash    27 Cal
Snack
*1 oz whole grain crackers    140 Cal
*1 Yogurt    190 Cal
*1 Peach    40 Cal           
TOTAL:   1,653 

Day 2...............7-15-11

Day 2

WEIGH-IN: 224.4

AM
Good Morning Everyone!

Other than my back being a little stiff and sore, I feel great! I had some trouble sleeping again last night, but I think I'll be ok :)

(4:30pm) Today has been a pretty good day so far! I went to the gym for about 2 hours, came home to get a few things done, and I'm going to be heading to a cook-out soon. Since changing my caloric intake to 1,800 I've noticed it's been a lot more difficult to eat all my calories. I have packed a lot of good, healthy choices for the party, but I feel like I may be eating too much! We will see how it goes. - maybe even decreasing my caloric intake to 1,700 will be better.


I have my first challenge tonight....I will be attending a cookout/birthday party. I've talked to the host ahead of time and made sure it was ok that I bring my own food. I have planned ahead and will prepare before I head to the party. Although there will be alcohol there, I have already made the decision to avoid it completely. I decided to have a yogurt and some almonds before going to the party because I am not sure what time we are eating. I will keep you posted as to how I do!

PM

I got home a little late and was very tired, so I'm writing this on the morning after!
I had a great time last night! I got to see some people I hadn't seen in a while. I even played some basketball and Just Dance on the Wii. I brought my own food just as I had planned and didn't eat anything that was at the BBQ....although it DID look delicious!
I would have to say that the trickiest part of the party was watching almost everyone there drink or people asking me why I wasn't drinking. I was offered a drink a few times, but I knew that if I didn't keep the promise to myself I would be extremely disapointed which would make me very upset and therefore lead to me making unhealthy food choices because I felt bad. I played beer pong last night as well. It was Samara and I against Kristen and Steph. I agreed to play as long as I didn't have to drink any beer, so we ended up playing with water in the cups and the girls had their own drinks. It worked out well! I left that party last night and felt so good and so accomplished!!!!

My Workout - in order of completion:
*treadmill x 30 mins = 1.55 miles (burned 230 calories)
*abdominal crunch x 50 @ 30 lbs
*torso rotation x 30 each side @ 70 lbs
*Hip abduction (outside) x 50 @ 130 lbs
*Hip abduction (inside) x 50 @ 130 lbs
*Adjustable pulley varied movements x 30 @ 10 lbs
*Low Row x 40 @ 55 lbs
*Cross/Long bar x30 @55 lbs
*Rope/upper back of arms x 30 @ 20 lbs
*3 sets free weights varied movements x 10 @ 15 lbs    
*Stationary bike x 10 mins @ 3 miles (burned 75 calories)

My Food Consumption - 1800 Calories
Breakfast
*1 cup egg whites    66 cal
*1 turkey sausage link    60 cal
*3 tbsp onion    21 cal
*1/4 cup tomato    11 cal
*1 deli flat - wheat    100 cal
Snack
*1 apple    90 cal
Lunch
*3 cups romaine lettuce 15 Cal
*2 tbsp red pepper 6 Cal
*1/4 cup celery 5 Cal
*1/2 tomato 7 Cal
*2 tbsp tortilla strips 35 Cal
*1/2 cup grilled chicken    90 Cal
*1 tbsp. bacon dressing 55 Cal
Snack
*Vanilla Yourt    190 Cal
Dinner
*1 turkey patty 270 Cal
*1 tbsp Ketchup 10 Cal
*1/2 cup cottage cheese    90 Cal
*Side salad    10 Cal
*1 tbsp bacon dressing    55 Cal
*1 deli flat - wheat 100 Cal
*1 tomato    14 Cal
*2 oz. sweet potato crackers    280 Cal
Snack
*1/4 cup almonds    170 Cal
*9 strawberries    27 Cal
*1/2 cup watermelon 27 Cal
TOTAL:     1,804

Making Changes Already

So after talking with a few people, I have decided to make a few changes.

I will no longer be taking the Total Transformation System. I have read some reviews and didn't seem to find too many good reviews. I also felt like my heart sort of wanted to beat out of my chest which started at about 10:00 tonight. I will continue to take my multi-vitamin and my vitamin D daily.

I was going to stick to a 1,330 Calorie intake plan, but I have decided that after talking with a friend of mine who is educated when it comes to nutrition, I am going to change my plan a little.

I calculated my BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) which was 2631 calories. In order to maintain my weight thats how many calories I would need to eat. To lose weight I need to burn off excess body fat by aiming to eat 500-800 fewer calories per day than my daily caloric needs, and maintain or increase my exercise activity. I am going to use a deficit of 750 calories therefore, making my caloric intake 1,881 per day....I'm gonna keep it at 1,800 to make things easy.

(BMR)1802.25 x (light-moderate exercise)1.46 = 2631 (needed caloric intake)
2631 - 750 = 1881 (daily intake) My Caloric Intake will be: 1,800

Day 1...............7-14-11

My first day....

AM
I didn't get much sleep last night because I was constantly thinking about how my first day is going to go, what I will eat, and how I will resist temptation. Although last night isn't any different from my nights in the last 3 weeks or so, I really haven't had a good nights sleep. I'm hoping once I start taking my vitamins again and the Diet Pak vitamins that will change.

I'm still feeling confident and am anxious to start my day! I still need to plan out my meals and snacks for the day. I'm going to see how that goes this morning. I may choose to plan the night before depending on what is planned for the day.

My Starting Stats:
*Current Weight 227.2
*Current Measurements
         waist - 48 in
         hips - 52 in
         chest - 49.5 in
         thigh - 26 in
         L arm - 15.5 in


*These pictures were very hard for me to put up here, but I think if I'm going to commit to this 110% it's what I needed to do. It definately put my into a reality check! I will post pictures in about a month or so to see if and how I have made progress.....

PM

Today was a succussful day! No tough obstacles to face which is always good. I must say that for most of the day I have been hungry, but I'm not quite sure if it's just my body adjusting to things. I will give it some time and see how I do.

I spent a good part of the afternoon with my sister, nephew, and my daughter. We went for a 1-2 mile walk and took the kids to the park. I managed to twist my ankle while playing tag with them, but I think it's fine other than being a little sore. After our walk, my sister and I spent some time together scrapbooking while the kids played outside in the pool.

I went to the gym tonight around 6:45 and spent about an hour and a half there. I felt like I had a great workout. It was tough getting back into the groove of things, but I just kept telling myself I coould do it!

My Workout - in order of completion:
*Elliptical x 30 mins @ 2.57 miles (burned 377 calories)
*100 crunches - middle and side crunches
*tricep press x 30 @ 50 lbs
*Bicep curl x 30 @ 50 lbs
*Shoulder press x 30 @ 30 lbs
*Row/rear deltoid x 30 @50lbs
*Hip abduction x 80 @ 100 lbs
*Stationary bike x 10 mins @ 2.5 miles (burned 70 calories

My Food Consumption - 1330 Calories per day
Breakfast
*AM Diet vitamin Pak 25 Cal
*Chocolate Lean Shake 180 Cal
Snack
*1/4 cup Almonds 170 Cal
Lunch
*3 cups romaine lettuce 15 Cal
*2 tbsp red pepper 6 Cal
*1/4 cup celery 5 Cal
*1/4 cup mushrooms 4 Cal
*1/2 tomato 7 Cal
*2 tbsp tortilla strips 35 Cal
*1/4 cup grilled chicken 45 Cal
*1 tbsp. italian dressing 30 Cal
Snack
*Vanilla Bean Lean Shake 180 Cal
Dinner
*PM Diet Vitamin Pak
*1 turkey patty 270 Cal
*1 tbsp Ketchup 10 Cal
*1 cup broccoli 54 Cal
*1 cup yellow squash 27 Cal
*1 deli flat - wheat 100 Cal
*1/2 cup cottage cheese 90 Cal
Snack
*1 peach 35 Cal
*6 strawberries 18 Cal
*1/2 cup watermelon 23 Cal
TOTAL: 1329 Cal

Pre-Journey...............7-13-11

Day before I start my weightloss journey...

So, tomorrow is the day I begin my weightloss journey. I have so many emotions whirling around in my head. I'm excited to start this journey, but scared as well. I feel like I have jipped myself out on a lot in my life because of my weight. As I sit here writing this tears come to my eyes because I have realized that the only person I have to blame is myself! I have said this many times before, but I feel like food is definately my "drug." Unlike people, food has always been there for me. Doesn't matter if I'm happy, sad, angry, depressed, excited...etc...FOOD IS THERE! My challenge throughout this process (other than losing weight) is to figure out how I can replace food with other things. At this point, I can't sit here and say I have the will-power to make it through this, but I sure as hell am going to try my best! Everyone tells me to "think about the end result," but I don't quite have that mantality. It's like Food is my boss and it constantly tells me what to do.  I feel like it has taken over my life.

As a young adult, I was never one to really express how I felt. I would either cry in my room or hold it in completely and that has definately taken a toll on me. I've always felt as though my brother and sister were better then me, and I had to constantly win over my parents attention. That's something I've never told them because again, I feel like it's selfish of me or that they wouldn't believe me or how I felt. In there eyes I was perfectly fine. I know they feel they gave me as much attention as their other two children, and I know they have not purposely made me feel this way. I've always tried to make them proud, and many things I do in life are because I want to make them happy. In November of 2003, I was a huge disapointment to them....I got pregnant! I think from that point on, I've felt like a huge let down to them.  I would NEVER EVER change a thing because my daughter is my life and she is what keeps me alive! I truely believe she was born for a reason!  After my daughter was born I became extremely depressed and struggled with depression for years after. Food was most definately a "drug" for me at that point, I think more then it has been before. I was taking care of a child when I could barely take care of myself and wasn't sure how on earth I would manage that, so I turned to food. Although things got better over time and was a great mother, I could never win the battle with food. A few years later my marriage began to fall apart and again, the "food" devil sat on my shoulder saying "I'll make you feel better." Depression set in again and I would eat and eat and eat. It didn't matter that my stomach would be killing me or that I wasn't even hungry - I still ate!!! I sit here thinking....what if I would have exercised instead of eating, maybe I wouldn't be here writing this blog or trying to make sudden lifestyle changes. With that said....here I am now, all 227 lbs of me, forcing myself to make changes and realize that I CAN do this. I can't do it alone though.....hence the blog. This is a time in my life where I NEED my family and friends the most. I need everyone to understand why I am doing this. It's very important to me and will take all the help I can get!  I'm really willing to take any constructive critizism, comments, and suggestions that you can give!

I've been thinking a lot about why I am the way I am. In doing so I've realized that I don't have the will-power to help myself. I haven't quite figured out why yet. Maybe because it's a million times harder to help myself then it is to help other people. I'm sure my friends would say that I would do just about anything for them, but I think part of that is because it's like a cop-out for helping myself. My way of thinking is...if I'm always helping others, there is no time to help myself! NOW...it's time to face myself head-on and help do what I need to do! Some people may think that it's selfish of me, but at this point it's about what I NEED, not what I want.  About a year ago I went to the Dr and she told me I was borderline diabetic, although it runs in my family it is still preventable. The last time I was at the Dr, my numbers went down and I was getting better, but I don't want to be a diabetic...I don't want my numbers to even be close to being a diabetic....another reason why I need to change!

I thought if I blog everyday and put my emotions on the table, it may help me through this process. I am leaving myself very vulnerable, but I think it's something I NEED to do! I haven't decided if I will post before and after pictures yet. I will be posting my starting weight and measurements tomorrow and will try to post my daily weight there-after. I will take measurements once every other week.

My day will consist of:
 *1,200 calorie diet
          5 small-portioned meals per day - 2 meals will be lean shakes from my program
          (360 calories total)
*Drink atleast 80 oz. water
*Exercise 1-2 hours
         60 minutes of Cardio - 30 minutes intervals
         30-60 minutes of Resistance Training (depending on my back)
*AM Diet Pak - Burn 60, Chromium, and CLA (Conjugated Linoleic Acid)
*PM Diet Pak - Restoration Blend and CLA


More to come.....comments and suggestions welcome!